March 26, 2014

Tonight as I laid in bed trying to stop the zillion thoughts and tasks flowing through my mind pushing me to the point of anxiety attack I hear Charlotte start to cry. 

This child, who refuses to sleep through the night and continues to surprise us with the times she calls out, can be the cause of many additional stresses in the late night hours. 

As I begin to rock her the full on anxiety attack hits- when will Cece finally start sleeping through the night, will Madison ever start listening again, are all my work projects in line, deadlines of personal and work projects start flashing through my mind, medical bills flash like stars in the back of my eye lids. As I start to really wonder if my surplus of anxiety attacks lately have been caused by my new thyroid medication or is it all a part of this roller coaster we call motherhood, it happens!

 I look down and for the first time in 8 months my almost 10 month old has fallen peacefully asleep as I sit there rocking.  She isn't nursing, crying or fighting me, she is peacefully sleeping and the world stops around me.  I can think clearly once more and I start to cry. 

I've often told Brent that one of the hardest things for me as Charlotte's mom is the fact she will not let me rock her. Ever! 

With Madison, we rocked every night and it was a joyous moment of bonding for us both. As a full time working mom I need those peaceful evening moments with my children. And although I understand every child's needs are different and I have found alternative special moments with Cece tonight was exactly what I needed. My head quit spinning and those things that seemed so life and death before melted away, because I know that the next time I go to soothe Cece she will most likely not let me rock her again. 

At that exact moment I realized that although kids are supposed to make us parents crazy (and sometimes they do) it is in fact my girls that keeps me completely sane and make me 100% the person I want to be.

Baby C's Arrival

Baby C joined our sweet little family on Tuesday, June 4th and we have never been happier.  With a scheduled repeat C-section it gave me plenty of time to plan and wrap my mind around what was about to happen, but the night before I still could not sleep.  I was scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 in the morning, so needless to say I went to sleep at about midnight and woke up at 3!  I was just a little excited...

After settling into our room and being hooked up to a million monitors nerves started to kick in as they continually pushed our estimated delivery time.  As the time passed the nurse came in more frequently to check my monitors as baby C's heart rate seemed to keep sporadically dipping and jumping.  My ob actually thought they might have to rush me back to begin as soon as possible, but even with all the commotion this second time around was much smoother and enjoyable than my delivery with M.  My epidural worked just fine and there were no panic attacks in the operating room.  In fact, we were all chatting and laughing as we prepared for baby C to make her entry into this world.

After C was out and I was told she was just fine, my doctor let me know that in fact the cord had been wrapped twice around the neck and tied in a perfect knot.  Needless to say it was a blessing that we had chosen to have a repeat c-section and that it was performed when it was.  I've had to pray on this a lot, because the thought of loosing a child is the worst imaginable thing in the world and it is so easy for the "what ifs" to over take me.  All I know is I am so glad I followed my instincts to have anther c-section and that she was born when she was.  Although I never talk about it, most likely in fear I will become too upset, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about how blessed I am she is in my life.

After an overwhelming delivery we were so happy to rest and take in the new moments with our sweet girl.  M was born in the evening, so we drifted right off to sleep afterwards.  C was born in the morning so it was interesting how that played into my recovery and exhaustion.

This was the longest I had been away from M and although she visited once I was eager to get home to her.  After 2 nights in the hospital I was ready and allowed to go home.  Sweet M has been so wonderful with her "baby C" that I know they will be the best of sisters.  They do not like to see each other upset and are always in better moods when together.  I thank God every day for my sweet girls.

1st time holding my sweet baby C.

M meets C.

M's favorite part of visiting mommy- the pudding.

M was born on my grandpa's birthday and C was born on my Papa Joe's birthday, a crazy coincidence.

I know these two will love sharing their birthdays. 

 My sweet little miracle baby.

Rolling Over

She did it! At 14 weeks, baby C just rolled right on over... No trying, just did it.  Maybe what they say is true, everything happens sooner and appears easier with the second.  And guess what?? It is still just as exciting as when M did it and I'm afraid it's going to fly by even faster! Honestly, is she not the cutest baby!

Where to Begin

So much has obviously happened since I last posted, most importantly the birth of our beautiful baby girl C.  I will attempt to play catch up as I begin blogging again, but I still start from the current and work my way back, with one exception: Documenting the day Baby C came in to our lives.

This summer has been a whirlwind and I can not even believe I return to the office after this holiday weekend.

I'm not ready.

I honestly do not remember a time that I did not want to be a wife and mom.  This is the role in my life that completes me and the fact that I leave every day to work is heart breaking.  My only saving grace is I love my company, my job and the people I work with.  Like with M, my maternity leave has come and gone too quickly.  I have enjoyed these 12 weeks of pretending to be a stay at home mom and have attempted to soak in every minute.

So, that is my reason for picking blogging back up.  It's not for any reason other than to try and hold on to the memories that go by too quickly.  Looking back through older posts I found comfort in remembering things I had already forgotten about M and I really want to have that for baby C.

So it may not be consistent or even weekly, because let's face it- my life is even crazier than before, but I will do my best to keep up with these memories for my family.

I leave you with the Hugg family's newest addition.  

Baby Charlotte

It's a....

 GIRL!!!!

I was so sure this baby was going to be a little boy, but I was very wrong.

M loved celebrating her baby sister with pink balloons!

Friday Flashback

I found this picture this week as I was going through some old files.  This was October 2011!  She has grown so much!

2013 is Here

Another year has come and gone, and I have to admit it was a little crazy.  There was extreme sadness this year, but also great times and lots of laughs.  There is no doubt this past year will be one for the books, but I am happy to move forward.  I know that this new year will bring amazing things, you know.... like a new baby to our little family.  I can only imagine the changes that will come to our whole family with the addition of another child.

Looking into the new year, I don't have any extreme New Year's Resolutions.  My goal is the same as last year and that is to live every day to its fullest and truly live in every moment.  There are so many unknowns in my life right now and they have started to consume my life a little bit.  I'm trying to not let it get the better of me. Hopefully I will manage it with the help of a lot of prayer and the belief that God has a plan for me and my family and in time the right path with be a easier to see.

Happy New Year to the ones I love!